Almost nothing about a concert announcement I received last week made any sense.
Poison, the cheesy 1980s hair-rock outfit known for hits including “Nothin’ But a Good Time” and “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” — big anthems of their day, no question — would be headlining Blossom Music Center in Cuyahoga Falls this summer, on June 12 to be exact. Blossom is the area’s biggest outdoor venue dedicated to musical performances, with room for about 23,000 to soak in the sounds surrounded by a lovely wooded area.
And, to further confuse me, Cheap Trick will be opening for Poison.
Hey, I’m not saying 1970s rockers Cheap Trick (“I Want You to Want Me,” “The Flame”)
is Led Zeppelin, or even Van Halen. But opening for Poison?
The world has lost its damn mind.
The news release boasts that all of Poison’s original members — can you name anyone other than singer Bret Michaels and guitarist CC DeVille? — will be on this tour. (Looking at release … “Oh yeah, Ricky Rocket on drums and Bobby Dall on bass. That rings a vague bell, I guess. I wonder if Ricky had a brother named Robbie. Or Roger? Maybe even Roland? Eh, probably not worth looking into.”)
The band’s summer jaunt is called — wait for it — “Poison … Nothin’ But a Good Time 2018” tour.
(And I thought they wouldn’t be able to come up with anything creative. My bad.)
The news release includes a thought-provoking quote from Michaels, who is also a “noted philanthropist” — OK, to be fair, he has done some worthwhile charity work — given to you exactly as written so you get the full effect:
“The all original POISON is headlining again this summer. It’s going to be a mega concert and party combined. We will be playing all the hits and bringing high energy rock and roll good times. I promise this will be awesome. My friends CHEAP TRICK will be joining us as well as some special guests on select dates. Again, I know all the bands with all the hits will be giving 1000%!!! Over the last years, POISON has got to co-headline with some great bands: Def Leppard, Motley Crue, Kiss, Lynyrd Skynyrd, to name a few, but I promise again, C.C., Bobby, Rikki and myself together will bring NOTHING BUT A GOOD TIME!!!”
Back to my original confusion: Poison wouldn’t still be popular enough to headline large amphitheaters had Michaels not remained in the public consciousness with that awful-looking dating show, “Rock of Love,” right?
The world has lost its damn mind.
Nonetheless, if you are interested, you can get show details and tickets from Live Nation here.
Look, Poison, at least promise you won’t play any of the cuts from your ill-conceived, hilariously titled 2007 covers album, “Poison’d!” — ESPECIALLY (but not limited to) your take on The Who’s “Squeeze Box.”
Stream of the week: While I wouldn’t exactly think of it as “Americana,” I stumbled upon the infectious new album by Anderson East, “Encore,” by browsing the Americana section of Apple Music. This is more the rootsy, bluesy, soulful side of American than the country-folk side. Whatever you want to call the third album from this Alabama-raised, Nashville-based artist (real name Michael Cameron Anderson), it is an engrossing mood-lifter. Check out the video from a catchy tune from the album, “Girlfriend” below.
Mark Meszoros, if you have not guessed, is not penciling that Poison show into his concert calendar. Follow him on Twitter @MarkMeszoros.